To whom it may concern...

i challenge you. who ever you are reading this... i challenge u to show those you love how much you care. the more i think about it the more i see all the hate and all the things that are just misunderstood. i see people not listening to the needs of others. they just ignore them and do wat they want all the time. sometimes, yes, its ok but other times you dont realize how doing wat u want may be hurting the ones u love. look closely at the people around u. look at the way they act and listen to the way they talk and the things they say. it hurts to think the ones u love are in pain. they may want to cry but they cant. they may want to scream but wont. they may have sumthing to say but no one to listen. be the one who listens. one hundred tears can fall to the ground before one minute is up but do u even know that someone is shedding those tears? maybe they seem happy but behind closed doors they show themselves for wat they really are, upset and hurt, and maybe they dont even know why. everyone has their moments where they just dont know who they are any more or where their life is going. its those serial moments where time stands still. no one else in the world exists and they are standing alone with no where to go. maybe they are sad over sumthing small like a boy, a secret, or being overworked but maybe its something bigger. maybe its sumthing that they dont even see and thats wat scares them the most. this challenge is to save one reality for someone else. make sure they know they are never alone because that is the most common fear, loneliness. its just funny how one person can be standing in the largest crowd and never be noticed. its almost as if they are invisible. people look thru them not at them, walk past them not to them, talk around them not with them. in the time it takes to take a breath someone could be dying inside, losing sight of who they are and why they want to live. like standing in an all white room but only seeing black. maybe this has happened to u or is happening to u. dont leave it all bottled up inside and dont just put on a happy face to cover the truth of how u really feel. tell someone, anyone, just dont do it alone. theres always someone to listen and someone to help u through the hard times. if u cant think of any one else then at least ill say ill always be here. when anyone needs me ill always be around. sometimes i lose sight of my own life and i know wat its like not to know who to tell because i never think ne one is going to understand where im coming from. sometimes that very thought is true. i cant even count the number of times i have heard the words "i dont know wat to tell ya babe im sorry." it makes me feel like i vented everything for nuthing. it just takes me time to realize that maybe they didnt know wat to tell me but at least i got it off my chest. being the only one to know one thing is never easy. i know sometimes its better to keep things to urself so hold those close to ur heart but if it ever becomes too much remember its ok to say something. there are people around you who want to help. if you cant find ne one... then ill take my own challenge. im always good for a listening ear or a shoulder to cry on. never be afraid to say something that is eating away at you.

 Imagine with me…

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You’re with your mom on the way to services Wednesday night. Your mom is on the phone with your brother now living in another city. You are trying to get something off the floor when you hear… :::SCREEEEEEEEEEEEECHING tires::: and your mom looking in the rear view mirror screaming OH SHIT HES GUNNA HIT US! That’s when everything starts to slow down. Each motion she makes seems to go in slow motion because you know the next two seconds are the most critical. She tries to take her foot off the break and move out of the way… even though she would be moving into on coming traffic. Then before you can so much as take your next breath :::BAM::: your car is sliding into the middle of an intersection while your whole body is jerked back. Your eyes are closed all you see is black and for a brief moment you don’t know whether you are dead or alive. Next you are pulled over on the side of the road not realizing how you got there. Your mom jumping out of the car screaming across the street like you have never heard her scream before. You open the door to get out of the car. Your legs give out and you fall right back into the car. The phone is next to you and it begins to ring. It’s your brother, you just answer the phone… crying out “just call dad please just call dad tell him we got hit!!!” you are now bent over the seat with your stomach and your head resting on the seat. You can’t lift your head because it hurts soo much and your whole body is just in complete shock. Finally you build up the strength to walk even though you’re limping from all the pain of your legs hitting the dashboard. You figure you can take the pain… you can just walk it off… or shake it off… it will all just go away. You never really picture yourself getting hurt. Next thing you know the cops are there questioning you. Asking you if you need to go to the hospital. They call the ambulance and it is there with in just a few minutes. The medics check you out and say you have to go to the hospital. Its only while you are being helped into the ambulance then onto the stretcher everything becomes all too real. They lay you down… and buckle you in… and tape you in so no part of your body can move except your hands because if your neck is fractured you could die. Then they bring your mom in and you can’t even see what they are doing to her because you can’t move your neck. That’s when you start to cry. They take you to the hospital emergency room. There’s a long wait but they take your mom in first. Your other brother is in the ambulance waiting with you. He’s just as scared as you are but trying to make it all seem ok. They finally get you out of the ambulance. All you can see is the ceiling but through the first door all you see is black as if it is purgatory. Through the next-door all you can see is white as if you have reached heaven. The last thing you see is a row of lights when you stop as if you have reached the final step, the end of the trip. You wait to be checked out, still unable to move. They take you to a room and cut you out of the stretcher to have your neck checked to see if x rays will be needed, they already told your mom she didn’t need them. Which makes it so much more terrifying when they tell you, you do. The most uncomfortable positions are necessary to take 11 x rays all of your neck. Take your hand and make a cup shape from your fingers to your wrist, then straighten your fingers so you almost see an upside-down L and that is what your neck now looks like. After getting home and getting through the first night on medication imagine getting a call with someone telling your dad that he knows you were the driver instead of your mom. Taking that false information to the insurance, trying to make it seem like it is all your fault so they don’t have to be held responsible. Its times like that you just lose all faith in the goodness of man.

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If you can imagine all of that, you just lived out my night in your mind. It’s funny to know that I have seen this exact image in my dreams time and time again. Each time though it had the same ending, unlike the ending in what happened Wednesday night. In each dream I died, only to find that: no one cared, no one even noticed, I wasn’t missed, I wasn’t mourned, I just wasn’t loved. That just makes me wonder. Was I supposed to die that night? Would any one actually have cared if I did? Would any one even realize I was gone? Did everyone I loved love me back? It’s those thoughts that fill my mind because if the smallest details had changed those questions would be answered. If we had been hit by the oncoming traffic, if there was another car in front of us at the light, if we were in a smaller car, if my mom hadn’t taken her foot off the break when she did, or if the guy hadn’t hit his breaks when he did. I would be dead right now instead of sitting here in my room typing this. Then I just have to think… is life actually worth living? For all the shit in my life that out weigh the good why am I still here? How and why have I gotten this far? What if I just wanted it to end? I don’t know how to answer these questions. Who would? All I can do now is remember and live through the pain I’m going to have for months. A torn ligament in my neck that can take any where from 12 weeks – 1 year to repair and my moms torn muscles that can take 6-8 weeks to repair. Physical therapy 3 days a week after school, medicine, ice packs, and eventually having to go to court to testify and defend myself against someone who was too chicken shit to say “I just wasn’t looking, I’m sorry.” That would have at least been slightly more respectable than this.

I just wish I knew what I did to deserve this and why does it always happen to me?

since my first regional convention in 2002 i have thought to myself how hard it is going to be to get up in front of all the people that i love most in the world and tell them how much they mean to me and then try to say goodbye. i was just looking over all of my pictures, haileys pictures, and naomis pictures and i thought to myself i dont need to wait til im a senior to tell them how much they mean to me. this isnt going to be everyone but this is going to be directed at the people who have touched my life more in the last 3 months than a lot of people have in my whole life time.

Naomi Kachel...

you and me have had some seriously long nights together. i cant even put into words how much i love you. you have saved me in ways that i cant even explain. i feel like its such an honor to be able to call u one of my best friends. i read over the thing u made me for and i thought about wat u said when u were telling me u made me sumthing. i just remember u saying it really nuthing at all... but from my point of view i want u to know that means everything to me. when i started reading it at convention i held back from crying but inside i wasnt. i am so happy i finally have someone who i know understands everything about me even when im sumtimes a "sketchball"! i know we have had some seriously hard times but we handled them together. i cant see you ever turning your back on me or me turning my back to you. josh better know just wat he has because if he ever hurts u... despite popular belief... i will be the first one to kill him. i know how much shit u deal with and i know all u need is that one lil thing in ur life to make you happy and i dont think iv ever seen you as happy as you are right now. as hard as things get you are always strong. i have seen you handle some things a lot better than i would have and some things you just needed a shoulder to cry on. i hope you know iv always got a shoulder for u... two in fact! also i want u to know i trust u with my life! there is nothing i feel like i cant tell you. i never have to worry or fear that sumthing bad will come from me pouring my heart out to u. i think you are one of the most special people in my life. you have effected everyone you have ever met. if only i could explain to u wat certain people have told me u mean to them ud never second guess yourself again. never look in the mirror and see ne thing but perfect. never settle for less than u are worth. never cross the street without looking both ways. never be afraid to say wats on your mind. never think that you are alone in this world. never forget some pain seriously leads to pleasure! never feel bad for crying uncontrolably. never argue about whos boobs are bigger. never let anyone talk down to you. never go outside on a humid day with straight hair. (ew!!!) and last but not least never forget im always here for you... just for ne thing. i love you more than life itself. thank you for changing the way i look at the world and actually giving me hope that there are good people out there.

Neta-Lee Laizerovich...

girl you have been my soulmate from day one. my life would have never been wat it is today if it wasnt for u. if i had not met you that night at our first lti... im not so sure id still be in usy. when u tell me what people say to you to tear you down it makes me sick to my stomach. you are one of the most special people in my life and when i look at everything you are i cant help but wish i was you. we are similar in millions of ways but when push comes to shove we are two different people. id give ne thing to be you or at least give you a chance to have it even better than you do right now. when people see a picture of you and ask me who you are i just look back at them and in all honesty say thats the most special person i know. shes my best friend. i know we dont get a lot of time together even to talk but that doesnt make us ne less close. we still rely on each other and i know i trust you with my life. i never have to be afraid to come to you or whine to you or ne thing. i just know ur always there. the time i have at conventions is just _____________ that much more special because i can share it with you. its funny that both of us ended up not going to spring kallah because i know i wouldnt have gotten thru it without you. baby you have a talent like none other! you can dance with the most amazing skill that i have ever seen and u know it too! u are just spectacular from those darling curls on the top of your head to the very tips of your tiny toes. i want u to know i love you with all my heart... dont ever forget that. when i think about one day having to say goodbye to u it kills me inside but i know in my soul a goodbye will never be a real goodbye with you! haha we are going to grow old together like it or not! neta never settle for ne less than i know you are worth. dont let NE ONE treat u like you are nothing. you are everything to me even if u feel like u r nothing to someone else. i dont even think i can put into words wat our friendship has done for me. for some reason it has given me a strange confidence like i can do ne thing. thank you for giving me that. i sometimes wonder where i would be without u but then i realized id never want to find out! I LOVE YOU SOULMATE!

Mindy Leanse...

wow if only i could explain us. i dont think i will ever be able to explain the connection we have... almost like it was destiny for us to be friends. girl you are spectacular in every way i can think of. i love how ud have to fight guys off with a stick (even naoh... oh poor noah!) i like knowing that i can finally truly understand you. as much as i thought i did before i can really say i do now. thank you for letting me into your life. i just dont even know how to explain wat u mean to me. the night after regionals at the hotel was not really easy for ne of us thats for sure but i dont think id take back wat happened that night. it made all of us as close as we are now. each small seemingly insignificant moment made us closer. from spooning in bed on top of the jiz filled covers, to joes crab shack, to yoni kissing you, and even to spending that whole day at astroworld just one on one when we lost everyone... all of that is well documented in my memory. when me hailey and keith decided to come to el paso the first thing i said was... WOAH! lets stay with naomi or mindy! they are incredible! hailey had no problem with it. once you said yes i was ecstatic! i wish i could say all the things i want to say but there are not enough words in the dictionary. if i ever lost you as a friend i would be beside myself. you have this giant piece of my heart that if u werent there ne more there wouldnt be one person with enough ne thing to fill it. thank you for having a shoulder to cry on and a listening ear... and thank you for trusting me the way you do. i like knowing that you know wat i am about. after lti i can truly put u on the best friend list... thats not easy to do... it takes most people a lot longer than it took you! blaine is a lucky guy. if he ever hurts u ill be on a plane and on my way to el paso before your first tear even hits the floor. first id come see you of course then wed both get some baseball bats and do some serious damage. i love you mindy... never ? that. and if ne thing ever happens... god forebid... just remember well always have paris... or family guy... which ever!

Rachel Weislow...

the story behind our friendship is so unknown to me. the only one i can think of it being is the night you asked me if id second your nomination for mem/kad at regionals 03. i still say that was stolen from you! rae im sooo proud of everything you have become. when shit hit the fan you took the role of rec even tho we all know you werent qualified for that. just kidding! and you finally built up the nerve to run for regional president... and you won! i talked to naomi one night and we were talking about each and every board member. naomi wanted me to give my opinion of everyones abilities so i did... here was urs... 

 Trynethingonce69:  RAE... rachel has the most potential for greatness out of everyone. i think even tho rae doubts herself so much she knows wat she is capable of but it doesnt make her cocky. cockiness leads to control and rae doesnt always feel the need to be in control. she is also completely realistic of wat the people in usy want. she knows that u can tell them one thing but theyll do another... so she has them pretend. she knows people dont always listen to someone that doesnt grab their attention and...

 Trynethingonce69:  as small as she is she alwyas makes her presence known. i think shell do ne thing she can to make this year great. she does so much as it is and sometimes it just seems like too much but she does it ne way bc she knows she can make a difference even tho sumtimes she isnt sure.

 Nomsi10:  perfect explanation of rae

 Nomsi10:  PERFECT.

i told you this because we all doubt our own abilities everyonce in awhile but there is not one person that doubts you. you are going to do amazing things with your life. dont let ne one tell you different. at lti i had a realization... i watched the seniors gather in for the havdallah circle and i thought to myself... this is my last year with one of my best friends. i lose another person that means the world to me. i cant explain our abusive relationship but all i know is i trust you with my life. i never have to doubt you rae. you are always there for me and ill always be there for you. you were one of the first people in usy to accept me for who i was. its weird now that i almost feel like part of your family... even tho me and your mom decided i will be at one point ne way! i can just see the wedding invitations now if i marry isaac: YOUR INVITED TO A SPECIAL OCCASION... THE WEDDING OF ISAAC WEISLOW AND FENICIA FEIG! awww just warms your heart doesnt it! im not sure you will ever know what you mean to me. you are one of my best friends in the entire world and life wouldnt be worth living if there wasnt another fatty like me around! its good to know that the fatties of the world unite! rae i want u to know you are a great catch. you are an amazing girl in everyway! there is no one else like you on this planet. any guy would be lucky to have you. i feel lucky just having you as a friend! you deserve the best because you are the best... never forget that. I LOVE YOU FUGLY!!!

Jason Epstein...

grasshopper... you are one crazy motherfucker! you are amazing. i think i have rae to thank for having you in my life. i put you on my best friends list because you are so special to me. there are certain things about you that are hard to figure out but you need to know the things you think of yourself are not who you are or how other people percieve you. the way i see you is the way other people see you. you are sweet as can be... i could see you going out of your way to make someone feel great but never going out of your way to make someone feel like shit. i know you are paranoid about a lot of things but that just means you actually know how to appreciate wat you have. you have a fear of losing wat you hold closest to your heart. that doesnt make you a bad person in ne way. it means you get concerned but thats all... and thats sumthing that is very reasonable no matter who you ask. and not only do you concern yourself with your own fears or needs but you are more than willing to listen to someone else who has a problem. you love to help people and that means more to them than you will know. even when it doesnt seem like they are pouring their heart out to you... believe me... you are helping them in some way and you would do anything in your power to take someones focus off their own faults or make their faults into something that makes them special. its plain to see that you are smart. when you can sit there and explain medical equipment to me in like 5 minutes. i was soo happy about that bc for the first time at a usy convention I LEARNED SUMTHING!!! and i dont care how much you want to argue with me on this one... you really are gorgeous. you are hot as hell... i cant show your picture to one person without hearing holyshit hes hott! your going to have to learn to embrace it not fear it! like it or not! sweete i dont know wat it is about you that makes you seem like somewhat of a mystery. just like i told you at lti im scared to lose you... since at some point everyone leaves me. please dont rub it in my face anymore that you will be in the marines. it scares me and it doesnt help when you say things like "dont worry maybe i wont come back!" thats NOT reassuring. jason i love you sooooooooooooo much! you are a good friend to me. and i dont mind when ur IMS flares up but theres only so much i can take of that. ill always be here for you... you know that! but if you ever hurt my rae i will have to kill you... dont worry its not just one sided if she hurts u ill kill her! im nutral! haha! thank you for everything! i love you!

Josh Kretchmer...

i wonder if i can put into words wat i want to say to you josh. i dont know wat it is about you but there has always been sumthing about you that always just made me feel comfortable. josh we have had many many ups and downs in our friendship. but the ups always overcame the downs. you have always been able to make me feel beautiful. i miss some of those nights when wed be up late just talking about god knows wat. i feel like we have had some trust issues that killed me. it doesnt feel good to know that someone that means to much to you doesnt trust u or that you dont trust them. now i see i can trust you josh... i know i can. and i hope you know you can trust me with ne thing. from all the shit that has been said about me... i have grown. i realized the little bullshit rumors in life or the things that are said are not worth the drama and emotions that it causes. josh i wanted to say thank you for everything you have done for me. i dont know if u know it but you are special to me. you are a great friend and i love you for all that you are! sometimes you make life difficult but i appreciate those times. i hate knowing that you get mad at me for little things. and im not sure your wording for "felicia loves my hair so much... its makes her creme her pants!" was exactly how id say it... but wow your hair is amazing... thank you for not wearing gel sometimes! i wanted to say thank you for being so good to naomi... as weird as that is. its sooo good to see her actually happy and i dont think ne one else could have done that for her. you really are sumthing special josh and dont let ne one else tell you differently! your hot as hell... sweet as can be... and wise beyond your years! those are all qualities i can appreciate about you josh! never lose ur sense of humor or you precious smile! i love you sweete! a lil too much i think!!!

Alaina Kretchmer...

wow girly! no one else could be as cute as you. you have to figure out wat makes you sooo cute and bottle it and sell it in stores around the country... no i take that back... you just wouldnt be unique then! i hope you know how much you mean to me! meeting you at shabbaton was one of the best things that has ever happened to me! all the times we have had since then have just been amazing! the drive to dallas with hailey was a BLAST... i wanted to cry when we were leaving and u were in pain! i was like sumthing that perfect should never feel pain! regionals was just amazing... your such a fun roommate! and lti was just bleh. you made it special and helped me thru sumthing really hard. i know both of us were going to drown in our own tears but at least we werent crying alone and the way everyone comforted us was just amazing. it made me realize what i loved about usy and how much everyone means to me. i miss them. i miss you. i miss the boys! i know they are ok but i miss them! alaina thank you for being precious! thank you for always having a smile to spare! thank you for having no ass... omg i just realized we are COMPLETE opposites! holy shit! Me: short fat huge ass short hair bitchy... You: tall as a giraffe skinny as a stick no ass what-so-ever long fucking hair (total pornstar hair right there!) and sweet as can be! you are just perfect arent you! i think the only thing we have incommon is huge tits and a love for the jacobseseses! im so happy you and aaron are FINALLY together! i just cant believe you didnt tell me and hailey. we were freaking the fuck out! even if im in the worst mood in the world just looking at a pic of you and aaron makes me smile! i will have him. i will. ull see! jk jk! i wouldnt want u to lose him... oh i know u can tag along! haha! i love you alaina kretchmer! you are perfect just the way you are... never ever change im begging you! i love you!!!!!!!!!

Erin Pazos...

baby... i dont think you will ever truly know how much i love you! you have always been such a huge part of my life. you made usy sumthing special for me starting at my first regionals. god i liked you soooooo much. sometimes id wish that shit that ended that hadnt happened because i wonder wat it would have been like but it doesnt matter bc im just ecstatic that i still have you in my life! god you are the funniest fucking kid ever! i still think its hilarious that as much as me and jeff thought we hated each other when we met we ended up being best friends... well i dont know where that stands as of right now. all i know is i LOVE spending time with you when ever i can! i love that people now see wat iv always seen. as much as you hate being so good i think it really is who you have always been. everyone has their built up aggression but that u have to let explode but even so you are amazing. i love you with all my heart. u always have a smile for me... and OMG you have the cutest smile of my whole life. and dont forget you still owe me that picture from when you were 5. you were the cutest lil mexican kid ever! i hope you start getting ur spanish back bc if i ever just sat and listened to u sergio and adam talk in spanish i think id have a major orgasm!!! whew! i cant wait til i get to see you again! falling asleep with you is precious just so you know! you are sooo fun to cuddle with. that night at keiths sisters place was a lil crazy but fun none the less! haha i still cant believe u lil shits coming an hour late after me and hailey fucking got out of the house in 5 minutes! shit heads! haha! you are an amazing person erin and you deserve so much more than i think ud ever believe. i hope one day you find a girl that appreciates u as much as i do! i love our friendship and would never want to lose you! i love you baby! i really do!

Sergio Malcman...

boy u need to stop disappearing. you have no idea how much i have missed you! since the first time i met you i said to myself "i want that kid"... to be my friend of course <echem!> haha! all the time i think about how much we used to talk and how i know i can always trust u. i hope you know u can tell me ne thing! you are one of the most amazing people i have ever met. i dont know why you like doing stupid shit so much but for some reason knowing that you doesnt bother me as much as i think finding out someone else did. boy you got some mad crazy skills... to get a MILF! damn! haha! makes me wonder wat ur like in bed! totally kidding! (kinda) baby i just want u to know how much i have missed you and to tell you that you deserve so much better than wat you settle for. you are better than i think ud ever believe even as cocky as you are. its so good to have you back... never leave again! i love you way way too much! sorry about ur hand at convention. i dont even know wat posessed you to try and do that. poor baby! oh and maybe one day ill buy u a vibrator of your own! sergio...ur one of the greatest people i have the honor of calling a friend! I LOVE YOU!

Alex Seigler...

you greek god! i love how everyone has to marvel in your beauty! alex i just wanted to tell you how amazing you are. i know you get a lot of focus on you just because of how unbelievablely gorgeous you are but thats really not wat people love about you! you have the most amazing personality and a smile for ne one who needs it. your the catch of the year and its easy to see why. you are a great friend. i have known you for years now and id never take back meeting you. i remember when i met you at regionals 02 and u were the quietest kid there. its hard to look at you now and remember that kid because you are so different. i love talking to you at the most random times ever. and i love being able to see you! i am strangely comfortable around you! i dont know why... because thats very rare. i know if i ever needed something ud be there for me. and i appreciate that. i love you sweete! more than you will ever know! if u ever change i will have to kill you! you are just such a spectacular person. i see you doing great things with ur life. never settle for less than u r worth.. the absolute very best. perfection is in store for you! i love you alex! never forget that!

Aaron Jacobs...

baby doll you are unbelievable. aaron j... god i dont know how i got thru life without knowing u! meeting you at shabbaton has possiblely filled my life. your smile, your optomism, your heart, your stories, your love of israel, the way u dont care who sees u cry, your love for those most important to u. u just never seem incapable of amazing me. i just see you growing up to be the first jewish president or sumthing. you are so amazing and i dont even think you know one bazzillionenth of how amazing you truly are. you are a beautiful person aaron. in every single way. i love the times i get to spend with u and i miss talking to u as much as i used to. u are perfection. god gave you sumthing special and god also gave us sumthing special when he brought u to us. usy wouldnt be the same with out u and joel! ill be at ur last regionals crying my eyes out... im coming back for you and alaina! aaron.. i still cant believe u didnt tell me about u and alaina. it makes me hurt! haha! no actually im more than ok with it because at least yall are finally together! i couldnt be happier for u. u deserve her and she deserves u! you two are perfect together. she was the missing piece of ur puzzle. and as hard as those classes are just remember at the end of the week its her beautiful eyes ull be staring into! shes a great catch... dont ever let her go! even tho one day i do plan to steal u away! i love you aaron... i love you more than i could ever tell you!!!

Michael Sack...

u crazy nudist! you are famazing. i dont know wat it is about you that makes you so special but you are one of the most incredible people i know. i feel like this summer you saved me. like a breath of fresh air ya know?! michael ur trust in me astounded me since at the time i feel like i barely knew u... well at least compared to now. you have one of the biggest hearts of ne one i have ever met. i dont know where i would be with out u... ur spirit... ur love... ur friendship... and our late late late/early morning night talks. you have gotten me thru a lot of long cries. even tho u werent ne where near me u were my shoulder to cry on. thank you for making me feel special and even considering to let me be a fusy boy! i still say i should be! but ill settle for the honor of hizzo number one... and yes i said honor since u made it seem like one! you are sooooo special to me and so close to my heart its not even funny. you were made in heaven and for some reason god thought it would be great to have u down here with us. i cant understand who cant appreciate absolutely everything about u! ne one who has talked down to u and make u feel like u were worth less than you truly are (you should know who im talking about) should be shot. its not right because u are just wonderful from head to hairy toe! ill have that 10 bux for u at fall! u better bring the plastic bag!!! mike really thank you for all that u have done for me. i could never thank you enough! i dont know wat im going to do with out u next year. the mere thought of it makes me sick! i love you more than life itself and i cant wait to go to that nudist colony! u are fabulous! i love you too much!!!

Adam De Vas...

this one is going to be so hard because the mere thought of u leaves me speechless. i cant even tell you how much u mean to me and in such a little amount of time. i never thought we would be friends and as awful of a night that the night after regionals was... i wouldnt change a thing about it bc if it hadnt happened i wouldnt have u in my life the way i do right now. u make me feel like a great person. like i havent done ne thing rong in my life. when i talk to u u make me feel important and beautiful! you just amaze me adam! bc almost no one can do that to me! thank you for caring the way that u do not only about me but about everyone. you are a gift from god i cant even express to u enough how tru that is! you are going to do great things with ur life... u have the world at ur finger tips and i cant see u ever letting it slip away! i hope you get wat u want... and i know u know wat i mean. (shes amazing) adam u make my heart smile like no other. when u open ur mouth i just hear the sweetest things of my life. thank you for being in my life... you are amazing in every single way!!! you are such a breath-takingly beautiful boy that it baffles me that u are still single. u make the swusy girls drool in case you didnt know that already. never forget how special u are and how spectacular we all know u r going to be! i cant wait to see u at fall kallah... this better be everything u promise it will be! i love you with all my heart adam! never change one thing about u or i just might die! i just never thought id have a friend as amazing as u! i love you baby!

LAST BUT NOT LEAST...

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KEITH BENJAMIN LEFKOWITZ...

this one is sooooo hard for me to do like i cant even tell u. it is so hard for me to look at u everyday and watch u grow into the amazing person that you are today. keith u are one amazing guy. i remember the runt u used to be following ben and eric around and becoming them but some how you have managed to become your own person. the bond we have formed amazes me. you are my baby brother. when i look at u i see a boy but when i talk to u i see a man. you have a view of life that is uncommon but realistic on some level. u hold it tru to urself thats all that matters. i know you are stubborn and i know you have a hard time dealing with certain criticisms and suggestions but i want u to know that what ever i say to u is from my heart and not with out good reasoning. dont be so quick to dismiss wat i have to tell u. keith i cant ever thank you enough though for everything u have done for me. i know u will always be there for me. i know you will always have my back and defend me in ne way. u make it seem like u would take a bullet for me. ur my security blanket almost. like when everything else is unfamiliar ill always have u. we have our disagreements about almost everything and we have tons of dirt on each other but it just doesnt matter. it doesnt change our friendship in the least. that means a lot to me. u have the best qualities of everyone i know. u have a sense of humor... lets face it u r beautiful... u are more of a gentalman than 10000000 guys that i have met all balled up into one... you are a shoulder to cry on... u are protective of the people that mean the world to u... and u arent afraid to show emotion (kinda... u know wat i mean). as mad as u make me i cant help but want to hurt u. in all honesty tho kid... sometimes u LITERALLY walk right into it. sometimes u leave me speechless and frustrated. i cant even count the number of times i have hung up on u and thrown my fone across the room. u take the opposite approach and just brush off everything i say. i dont know wat it is about us that makes us so close bc when we look into the past its just shady shit. tons of fighting and no friendships. out of the 6 of u.. .me and my bros... and u and ur bro and sister... i was always the odd one out. it hated that. and i hated how u taunted me. im happy with wat we have now! i love you keith i really do! ur going to do amazing things with ur life as long as u start it out right. i just see u changing all the time in so many ways... it kinda scares me because i wonder how i have changed. i dont feel like i have but thats not important. all i know is i dont think i could be ne more proud of u than i am right now. u deserve greatness keith. uv earned it. dont settle for ne less than you are worth... because wat ever u think u are worth is not nearly enough. u r special... not sumthing u can just walk into ne store and pick up off the shelf. dont underestimate urself and take all the encouragment u can get. there are a million people standing behind ur success. i love you baby bro... u r a person most should aspire to be.

HAILEY (ILL LEAVE UR MIDDLE NAME OUT) LAUFMAN...

oh lord girly i dont even know where to start on wat i feel like i have to say to u. let me start off with thank you. thank you for always being there for me. thank you for accepting me for who i am. thank you for making me a part of ur life... a part of ur family actually. thank you for just being u. i love you hailey. you are one of my best friends in this entire world. i dont know if it is even possible for me to say wat it is i think of u. you just amazes the shit out of me. your life goals are astounding and your ambition will make it all possible. hailey i dont remember how we became friends and i cant explain how weve come so far and gotten so close... but i wouldnt change it for the world. i think its funny how sometimes we disagree and we argue but its usually just over the little things. i hate the face you give me when u think iv said something stupid or something you just dont agree with... i hate it so much i think iv grown to love it. i like knowing that we really do understand each other and we truly know what we are each about in life. we have different priorties, different values, and even different friends but that was never enough to come between us. some of the best times i have ever had in my life have been with you. i still dont know how we do wat we do but damn are we good at it. like making a plan to go to dallas within 20 minutes and getting our parents to agree in only 5. that trip was amazing... even the part where we almost got hit by a house! hailey i just want to make sure you know how smart you really are. you arent just book smart but you have common sense. you can think on your feet faster than most people. like when we were getting ready to leave the morning of shabbaton and had to fix everything your ideas saved us. you make a lot of things possible and you may not even realize it. when i look back at everything we have been through it just amazes me. one of my favorites was being in canada... our first time(s) when i look at my pictures most of them are ruined by davids face but the rest just make me smile because that time with you was just awesome! every guy wanted you! (jonah was ur favorite... good choice!!!) i have a lot of respect for you babe. you know wats important to you. you go out of your way to make some people feel welcome but you never go out of your way to make someone uncomfortable or hurt. i know there are times that i do things that you dont like. im always going to find it amusing how you get uncomfortable when people just act homoesque. i dont know where id be without nights of stupid movies and MILLIONS OF CHEEZE-ITS! (occasionally we have goldfish... awww... poor nigga 1 and nigga 2!!! they shall be forever missed) also always feel honored about being the first person to come into my house in about 5 years! its fun when you pick me up just when your bored... i dont think ne one except for you would do that! sweete i hope you always know how special you are and how everyone looks up to you (even tho ur short) everyone loves you and i cant see that ever changing. you have this bubbling personality that just draws people in. you are gorgeous inside and out... as cliche as that sentence is... i really do mean it. iv always wished i looked a lil more like u and a lil less like me. treasure everything you have... its not going ne where. and i hope you finally get that one little thing that will make you happier than youve ever been and if he ever hurts you... ill kill him! hailey i love you! you are one of my sisters! never change a thing about yourself. i love you!

DENA MICHELE PROPIS...

i have a feeling this last one is going to take a lot of out me. dena... daughter of god... my love... my husband of 12 years... my best friend... when it comes to you i feel almost speechless. in the past i have tried to show you how much you mean to me and how much u mean to everyone u meet and become a part of... but nothing i have said or done has ever been enough and neither will this. wow have we had our ups and downs. i think our first real down was when you thought i had stolen jacob from you. i never meant to make you feel that way. youve always meant more to him than i ever will sweete. the only other time was just recently when we just lost each other because i wasnt myself. i thought it was you that i couldnt trust but maybe it was just me. i have told you the deepest and darkest secrets of my life. sometimes im uneasy about where it might lead... maybe it will change the way youll look at me or think of me... maybe that its too big for u to keep to yourself since sometimes sumthing is so huge its too much weight for one person... but maybe youll be the one person i can truly trust with it. for this next part i want u to take out a mirror...

look at yourself i mean really look at urself the way i see you... the way everyone sees you... damn near perfect. look at your eyes. the deepest brown of experience and maturity. the eyes that see everything in a different light all the time. the eyes that should never have to cry but yet some times cant help it. id talk about ur nose... but how much can u say for that... its cemetrical to ur face or theres nuthing dripping out of it... so well just jump right past that! your mouth... beyond your perfect smile and pearly whites... that is the key to u. your wisdom comes through when you open your mouth. when you open your mouth people listen... you effect everyone with the things you say because its all the things you think. and even when you say nothing at all and just look at me and smile in my most terrible moods ill still smile. not many people or their smiles can accomplish that. this is one of my favorites... your ears. what you have and use to listen to any one at ne time. whether its at 3 in the morning and your phone rings and someone is pouring their heart out to you.. you listen. or maybe its in the afternoon at lunch and someone just has a joke they thought youd enjoy but you are so busy you still listen. you are someone that will always be there to listen when someone just needs to say something. not only are your ears perfect for listening but look at what accomplishment dangles from them. the earrings you made with your own two hands. the same hands you use to write and do all of your work, or to hold someones hand just because you can and it lets them know that you are really there. the same hands that take pictures which hold your memories or contort just for a laff. also the same hands that will smack ne one who dare touch you with their feet! your hands are attached to your arms that are always open. they are welcoming and reassuring. they embrace you and for that moment all our fears are gone. you always have two shoulders to cry on. i think iv over used those but i just cant help it! dena i know your biggest concern is your body but look again... look at a different kind of perfection. not the one that media created but the one that makes you beautiful and curvatious. the gorgeous that is u. id comment on your legs but then id just sound like a guy now wouldnt i! smooth and lucsious! rar! ok well jump over that one too! your feet. one of the the things that scare you most yet you cannot escape. they are pretty and you know it! thats all i really have to say since i dont really have much love for feet either! teehee! dena im just saying all of this because you are gorgeous every piece of you is simply beautiful. dont let ANYONE make you think differently. im tired of you questioning yourself for no reason. i cant look at you without wishing i was at least half as beautiful as you are. you have something special dont ever think that youre not!

i want to say thank you for always making me believe in myself and never letting me feel alone. thank you for trying to understand my life as best you could and trying to help. thank you for introducing me to myself and never making me feel worthless. thank you for saving a place in your heart for me. thank you for making me a part of your family (even though you think i want to do your brother!) thank you for just being you and letting me be me! i know we have different lives and different friends but one thing is for sure... we will always have time for each other! you are one of the things in my life that i know will never disappear. youll always be there to support my decisions even if u dont agree with them! you dont know how much that means to me! u have encouraged me throughout my life and i cant see that ever ending. dena i want u to know ill always be there for u. i know its going to be weird that in just two years we wont be in the same city but i know it wont matter. it wont make us any less close! and the next two years are going to be amazing. true tests of life itself but ill still be there right next to u! dena i love you with all of my heart... never ever ever forget that! and just like we always told aaron weislow... 1. dont lose our numbers 2. we are two different people even though together we make DENAFELICIA! teehee! i love you sweete pie! you are perfect!

ps... i miss the goldfish too!

THERE WILL BE SO MANY MORE PEOPLE THAT I HAVE TO WRITE TO... THIS IS NO WHERE NEAR OVER! I LOVE YOU ALL!!!!! MWA!